TRANSFORMASNAX: I woke up a-dreaming on a Tuesday. I was picking a rambunctious nosegay. A big old floppy-eared rabbit sang me a song and I smiled at the sun and he said "Let's Get It On!" I carried on my way across a field so green with only a fox with the pox inbetween. He offered me a cigarette. I offered him a light. He was pretty hammered; he was looking for a fight. Apparently a badger with n Uzi and a dagger got a gang of evil scientists to fashion a device. A device, such a sinister, savoury dark minister, capable of carnage on a biblical scale! I got onto my blower-ohone and rang the other guys, told them to bring all of their expertise and come in disguise. We've battled evil pop machines but now we're fucking tripping! I thought I'd done it just in time but... What's that coming over the hill? Approaching me against my will? Not on Spice but set to Kill! If the drugs don't get me, the badger will! It's a giant Transforma-snack! Oh!
I turned on my heels and then I legged it. The crisp was quicker than expected! I lost it in a forest and collected a hundred gold coins from a walrus in a suit. He gave me safe passage to the nearest little village, where I'd meet up with the reprobate and concoct a plan. On the road again I came across a flock of beagles in a van and I offered to drive them 'cos they had nee hands! Reached the little village (I was just in time for tea), where I met up with Mr. Wood, French and G.I.B. We dined with the general of the animal army - My, oh my, he was a vicious little cunt! Eight Buckfasts passed. We were singing songs. Mr. Wood got kicked outthe bar for one too many bongs! We forgot why the fuck we were there in the first place. We didn't really care though... What's that coming over the hill? Approaching us against our will? Not on Spice but set to Kill! If the drugs don't get us, the badger will! Oh my God! It's a giant Transforma-snack! Oh!
Picked ourselves up and then we dusted down and turned around to see a trail of destruction and poor Mr. Fox was squashed by crispy blocks! The animal people were devastated by the loss and they were very cross. That fox meant a lot to me. I comforted the llama, lemur and Pete Docherty, headed for the tavern and got Wood out of a tree. Arrived at the tavern and we had a cup of tea, armed ourselves with instruments and dropped some LSD... We phlew the phunky theremin into the badger's lair; He was waiting with the giant crisp, a pheather in his hair. The scientists were shooting at us with potato guns so we shot at them, the noise of which resembled dying suns! Making our approach with the ROCK at the ready and a steady target locked on the badger's greedy belly; Coming up now, a reconstruction of the way O.P.E.N. fucking ROCKed when we saved the fucking day!