Fat *​*​* Bastard

from by O.P.E.N.

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A chilling indictment of modern capitalist political procedure or a whimsical tale about a transvestite gangster? You decide


You don't want to bump into me in the night
Because I'll give you a fright then have a one-way knife fight.
I'm a monster of a man; No ethics in my business plan.
I keep a gun in my hand and I'll use it when I choose to.
No remorse,
I'll take your body, turn it into sauce
For the first course in the restaurant I bought.
I got about a hundred killers doing what I please.
Whether robberies or breaking of the knees,
Sieze money from Barclays, illegal DVDs,
Gun running to Sunderland, demanding protection fees...
They tried to put me away for life but I told the boys to set the judge and jury alight -
Got away scot free
And when the police question me
My alibi's in fact intact,
Because my name is

I'm a gangster.
I'll eat your hamster.
You don't wanna fuck with me.
I'm scarier than leprosy.
Hardest man you'll ever see.
Give you a bullet for free?
Police in my pocket,
I own a nuclear rocket.
I'm dead fat and I'm a gangster.

In my week I make a few Gs, erase a few memories,
Come up with a fiendish plan to foil my enemies.
I fuck about ten sluts in a line then return to my model wife -
It pays to have a life in crime.
On Monday I plan ahead and lay instructions down.
On Tuesday comes a package, containing the head of construction's arm.
Head to the site to take over on Wednesday.

But Thursday is my own...

I like to mince around town in my sexual slippers,
Swinging my hips to show the boys my frilly knickers.
No ifs, buts or maybes - I still love the ladies.
("Might be a tranny but I still love the fanny")
I mince around town in my sexual slippers,
Swap my GAT for a feathery hat and nail clippers.
I put on a wig and the dress is my Grandma's,
Do the make-up myself and buy my own bras...

Back to being a killer in a horrendous way.
The fellas, they all know but choose to let it go;
They know what would happen if they poo-pooed my throne -
I'd throw them in the lake; legs and arms I'd break.
They would not live long to regret their mistake.
They think I'm a weirdo but they keep their mouths shut.
None of them want a double-barrel to the gut
Or to get cut up, strung up, fed to the fishes -
My shoal of mutant cod are particularly vicious.
I'd give them three wishes like a genie does
But it's meaningless;
I give them false hope.
Because my name is...


from FAT CLICKETY BASTARD E​.​P., released April 9, 2015



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O.P.E.N. Newcastle Upon Tyne, UK

O.P.E.N. 's music will warp your fragile little mind. Rhythmic dexterity second to none... Described as "Intense and engaging" You will move erratically and enthusiastically, and probably laugh quite a lot.

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